Today is my cousin’s birthday. He would be 30 today, but unfortunately, we lost him a little over a month after his 18th. I was very close to him when we were young and as he entered his teen years, we grew slightly apart. No matter the distance, to me he was my little brother. For years after his passing I relived the day that my father broke the news to me. And every Christmas I cried, and every birthday I cried. For awhile, just being around my aunt made me cry to. As the years passed, the tears grew less and less until I finally felt that I had accepted his passing. I was finally able find some comfort in knowing that one day I would see him again.
I’m writing about this because today has been particularly difficult for me to get through. And I think the cause of this is the loss I am experiencing with the passing of my dad. Its so crazy how fresh loss brings the pain of past loss. I still think about my cousin a lot. I think about the things that we did together, the exchanging of a “special” gift at Christmas, or how he pronounced motorcycle as “moki-cycle.” And even on the weekend before his passing how he held my son in his arms.
So, today I am shedding double the tears. Some for my dad because I miss him so much and the rawness of it all is still so fresh, and also some for my cousin. But I know they are together, probably fishing.
I miss you both so very much.
